he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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