He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
