Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
