U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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