Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
