so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
