mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
