I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
