ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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