guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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