Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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