I bet he comes in French.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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