My first STD was from a foam party
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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