something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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