Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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