1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
