I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
