The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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