I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
