We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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