I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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