the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
