We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
