I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
