Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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