I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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