i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
