My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
