why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
