It's Friday. Sex?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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