Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
