His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
