Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
