She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
