You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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