His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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