I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
