Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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