Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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