Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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