Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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