when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
