I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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