evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize