So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
