Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
