He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
