remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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