all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
