Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
