I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
