not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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