I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize