We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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