well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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