I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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