shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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