The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize