I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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