Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
