its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
