Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
