Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
