The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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