ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
