my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize