Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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