How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
