the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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