She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
