I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
