she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
