he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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