I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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