matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
