Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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