If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
