But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
