dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
