I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
