I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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