This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
