It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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