i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
