We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
