respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
