so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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