I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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