I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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