You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
