Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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